Podcast Review - My Dad Wrote A Porno

By now you may have guessed two of my favourite things to have in a podcast: analysis and bizarre smut ... and MDWAP delivers.

The podcast goes chapter by chapter through the erotic fiction 'Belinda Blinked', written by 60 year old Rocky Flintstone. Jamie (Rocky's son), Alice and James, analyse the language used (often incorrectly) in their delightful English accents.

This is not a good way to brush up on your 'birds and bees', as Rocky's idea of sexy (and indeed, anatomy) is not based in the common reality.

But for his first novel, it is a bit of fun and this podcast will have you laughing as you follow Belinda's journey in the sexy sales industry of pots and pans :D

Rating: 5/5
Catagory: Erotica

Masquerade! - Pure Smile - Cherry Blossom

This was a delightful mask with a faint cherry scent. It contains vitamin e, collagen, hyaluronic acid and arbutin. The mask had sufficient moisture and was just lovely.

The Body Shop - Vitamin C Skin Boost

This goes on after moisturising and does a bang up job of giving a matte appearance.
It contains vitamin c, camu camu and brazil nut oil, and smells delightfully like oranges!

I really loved using this product. It didn't pill or flake and gave a great base for make up.

The only negative is the price, but I feel it is worth it and you won't get buyer's regret afterward.

If you are looking for a primer that can do a bit more for you, give this a go!

Price: 1/5 (RRP $34.95 for 30mL)
Scent: 5/5
Effectiveness: 5/5

Head & Shoulders - Anti-Dandruff Shampoo  - Itchy Scalp Care

I got this as a sample and lists it has eucalyptus in it. Eucalyptus has a fairly unmistakable scent.
Then why does this smell like fake apple?!

Always with the fake apple smell :(

Disappointing scent aside, this works fine: good lather, clean feeling, reduces itchiness... so I can't fault it otherwise.
Even the sample came in a little bottle! Not one of thos shitty satchets that you can't open in the shower.

Price: 4/5 ($15.95 for 620mL)
Scent 0/5 (so uncreative)
Effectiveness: 5/5

Same Product, Different Scent - Palmolive - Body Polish Strawberry

Smells SOOOO amazing! So strawberry!

Scent: 4.9/5

The Body Shop - Satsuma - Body Sorbet

I really didn't like this product when I initially purchased it. I kept it in the fridge to make it extra refreshing (for summer) and it pilled when I put it on my skin :c (that is, any rubbing turned it into little balls/worms that just fell off and went everywhere)

Non-refrigerated, it doesn't pill and is delightful!
A refreshing way to add some hydration to your skin in summer 

And the smell <3 love it!

Price: 3/5 ($19.95 for 200mL)
Scent: 5/5
Effectiveness: 3.5/5

L'Oréal Paris - Elvive Extraordinary Oil - Nourishing Masque

I got this as a sample in a Bellabox and loved it so much, I purchased a jar!
I usually steer clear of anything that may weigh my hair down (like conditioner), but this just leaves my hair glossy, not heavy.

The packaging mentions 6 'precious' flower oils, which are: chamomile, matricaria (german chamomile), sunflower, sacred lotus, flax, tiare, dog rose. (there are 7 there, but I'm not sure which is the 'non-precious' one)

The scent is slightly spicy, but not strong overall.

It is thick, easy apply to the hair, and has a pretty gold shimmer appearance in the container.
It leaves my hair super soft and shiny :D

Price: 3/5 (RRP $9.95 for 300mL)
Scent: 4/5
Effectiveness: 5/5 

Woolworths Select - Nourishing Nail Polish Remover

This contains acetone (drying to the skin and nails), which makes it work super quick.

This one contains castor seed oil, jojoba oil and aloe vera... but seems like any other nail polish remover to me.

It is just that, nail polish remover, nothing more or less... don't buy this preferentially thinking it's better for you.

Price: 5/5 ($2.79 for 125mL)
Scent: 0/5 (don't smell it)
Effectiveness: 5/5

Lacura Spa - Body Butter - Lemon & Basil

I'm all for anything citrus, so when I spotted this in Aldi, I had to try it.

This body butter is nice and thick, non-irritating, and absorbs well. It contains lemon, basil and olive oils. 

It smells lovely and I only wish it was stronger on the lemon notes.

Other than that, I can't fault it!

Price: 5/5 ($4.99 for 250mL)
Scent: 4.5/5
Effectiveness: 5/5

Original Source - Skin Quench - Watermelon & Jojoba Oil

This smells SO much like watermelon! I hope you like watermelon if you pick this up.

It lathers up well, cleans well, and is a refreshing scent for summer

I don't really know what else to say... it is what is says on the packet, no spin.

Price: 4/5 (~$4 for 250mL)

Scent: 5/5

Effectiveness: 5/5

Masquerade! - Lacura Spa - Cloth Facial Mask - Soothing

Brace yourself, it's Aldi again! :o

But unlike most Aldi reviews, I loved this and can't fault it! The soothing mask contains aloe vera and had a good amount of serum on the mask.
Very faint green smell and the mask easily fitted to the face :)

The Body Shop - Spa Wisdom - Africa Ximenia & Salt Scrub

I got this after my Ex's mother said good things about it (I still miss her she was great).

It is a salt-based scrub that is lovely and fine and is easily washed off with water.
It also contains Ximenia oil, shea butter and beeswax.
It smells like a waxy shea butter and it is soooo lovely!

And the jar can be cleaned and reused... the packaging is amazing!

The only reason I don't use it constantly is the price ($37.95 for 350mL). It does last a while but I'd rather save my pennies for anti-headache Botox.

Price: 1/5 (RRP $37.95 for 350mL)
Scent: 5/5
Effectiveness: 5/5

Schwarzkopf - Brilliance Intense Permanent Colour - 85 Violet Vision

I got this after I decided I didn't want to keep putting (non-permanent) pink in my bleached hair. I wanted a permanent shade to grow out.
I went with purple because my sister suggested it XP

I thought this would be a good product for my purposes.

Initially, the colour was great, but after a few weeks, all of the blue tones were gone and my hair was just red :C

I really expected better from Schwarzkopf.

Price: 3/5 ($14.99)
Scent: 1/5 (standard hair dye smell)
Effectiveness: 1/5

Dimetapp - Daytime/ Nightime

Yeah, the packet says "Nightime", not "Nighttime" or "Night Time" :s

This isn't a beauty product per say, but it was the only thing keeping me sane for a while.

My germ-riddled sister came home with a common virus, which when I caught it, it entered a muscle/nerve injury I had/have in my right arm/neck/back/brain and put me in incredible pain. Mind-numbing pain.

I took paracetamol and a bit of codeine, but it didn't quite cut it. Some derps did suggest antibiotics, but we all (should) know that they can't do anything for a virus.

Viruses are like M.C. Hammer to antibiotics...

I picked this cold and flu medication because the clear capsules were the prettiest and reminded me of 'The Matrix'

You take the blue pill, you may get drowsy.

They did help take the edge off like nothing I previously tried and I'm really glad I got them.

They didn't make me nauseated or give me any weird side effects (hey, you may not be so lucky).

ALWAYS check with a pharmacist/doctor if a medicine is right for you! I know what I'm on and what I can't mix it with, do you? (Your drug combos, not mine... don't you be stalking me XP)

Price: $11.99
Effectiveness: 4/5 (Sweet local anesthetic would have been great! Still would be, arm ain't 100%. Stupid thesis) 

Palmer's - Cocoa Butter Formula - Moisturizing Body Oil

I love oils and this was great to slather on after a shower! It soaks in well and smells so lovely!

The only issue is every damn bottle (of different sizes and lid types) leaks! This is so infuriating! 
I love this product but (yet again) will probably never buy it again because of its STUPID PACKAGING!

C'mon Palmers, you can fix this!

Price: 3.5/5 (RRP $10.79 for 250mL)
Scent: 5/5
Effectiveness: 4/5 (lost point for the leaky bottle)

L'Occitane - Fleurs de Cerisier - Shimmering Lotion

There is one thing I really hate about this product and I will never buy it again because of this - the packaging is IMPOSSIBLE!

The lotion is too viscous to pour out and the bottle plastic is too rigid to squeeze.
It looks pretty but is completely impractical!
And because it angered me so much I will NEVER buy it again!

Which is sad because the shimmer in it is nice and soft, it soaks in well, and it is nice and thick.

It smells like floury to me, so not the greatest scent, but not an offensive scent either.

'I wanna shine bright like a diamond' Solution:

Arlésienne Beautifying Powder <3 smells divine!

Price: 1/5 ($39 for 250mL)
Scent: 1/5
Effectiveness: 4/5 (lost point for that damn bottle)

Podcast Review - Lou reads the Internet for you

I found this after it was mentioned on 'The F Plus' as a similar thing to what they did - things on the Internet read out for your amusement.

Lou has a soothing voice and I love it when he records at work and co-workers walk in on him talking about his vagina/boyfriend/fursona/etc... XD

It is often shorter than The F Plus and is a great sampler of what the World Wide Web has to offer!

Go listen to it now!

Lou reads the Internet for you


Rating: 5/5
Catagory: Comedy 

Revlon - Photoready Prime + Anti Shine

I only had this a sample but from what I experienced, I liked it.

It worked as a nice mattifying base for my make up before I did myself up as a pirate (for a party).

It went on well and didn't seem to just accumulate in my pores.

And the anti-shine effect lasted a few hours.

Will this replace the Body Shop Vitamin C Skin boost for me? Probably not, but it isn't a bad product and I may get a full size one in future.

Price: 3/5 ($29.95 for 14.2g)
Scent: 2.5/5
Effectiveness: 4/5

Urban Colour - One Coat Nail Polish

I tried to find the name of this shade but couldn't, so lets call it a blue-grey-pnk ... asphyxiated pink!

I got this one night when I was inebriated on a train and a fellow inebriated gave me the bottle of polish after I complemented her nail colour.

I wasn't sure I liked the colour when sober, but it looked good on.

However, the brush sucked, the formula was too thick, and it smells like hexane.

It is a really cheap polish. Don't even bother buying this brand as a stocking stuffer, it is a waste of money!

Price: 5/5 ($10 for 12)
Scent: 0/5
Effectiveness: 1/5

Manicare - Nail Polish Remover Pads - Pineapple Crush

This is a limited edition scent of the scented nail polish removal pads by Manicare... and it smells really nice! It is a fresh, tropical scent which you won't mind if it lingers on your hands/feet.

As far as the pads themselves, I find I need three on average (one for each hand then a final one to get any residual varnish).

They did dry out a little after a while, but they were still useable.

Price: 4/5 (RRP $4.95 for 32 pads)

Scent: 5/5

Effectiveness: 4/5

Soak - Hair Shine Conditioning Shampoo

This is part of a 'superfoods' range and this shampoo touts to have purple kale, vitamin A, manganese, and vitamin K. Did I feel these 'benefits'? Not really. But I'm not a huge fan of this 'superfoods' movement.

To me, it smells a bit like rhubarb and blackcurrent and lathers well. 

It cleaned my hair well and did not need a repeat wash.

Price: 1/5 (RRP $7.95 for 100mL)
Scent: 4/5
Effectiveness: 4/5

The Body Shop - Vitamin C Daily Moisturiser SPF 15

This was such a delight to used on a daily basis! It smells so nice! Like oranges (or orange-flavoured vitamin C tablet).

I like that is has SPF in it as well, nice to protect the face from the aging Sun's rays.

In addition to vitamin C, it also contains camu camu and sesame seed oil.

It goes on smoothly, soaks in well enough and doesn't feel too heavy.

Price: 3/5 ($29.95 for 50mL)
Scent: 5/5
Effectiveness: 5/5

Berrisom - Oops - My Lip Tint Pack - Pure Pink

I got this from Memebox (before they stopped shipping to Australian customers) and thought it was a fun idea.

A peel off lip tint, how fun!

But there were two issues to this novel lip stain:

1) If it gets on your teeth, it will stain your teeth as well.

2) Want to know how I got these marks?

It irritated the sides of my lips, making them red and dry. It took a while for my lips to recover after this.

So I can't recommend this, as I found it to be irritating and bad for the health of my lips.

'I want lasting colour on my lips' Solution:

Universal Beauty Lip Tint works really well and is non-irritating.

Price: 4/5 ($8.36 for 15g)
Scent: 0/5 (like off vanilla yoghurt and plastic)
Effectiveness: 1/5

Palmer's - Cocoa Butter Formula

I love how this smells! Cocoa butter smells really good to me.

I also appreciate how rich the formula is, but it doesn't just sit on the top of your skin, it soaks in well.

I can't really fault this product.

Price: 4/5 (RRP $9.99 for 400mL)
Scent: 4/5
Effectiveness: 5/5

Maybelline - Express Remover

I got this for easier nail polish removal while traveling (U.S.A.) and it worked well for that purpose.

I was intitally worried that it would be bad for my fingers (the non-nail side being exposed to nail polish remover) but the formulation isn't harsh.

My three issues with this product:

- It did start to leak after a while.

- The remover evaporated over time (even when closed).

- After a few uses (especially for glittery polishes), the colour builds up and can stain your fingers and make them sticky.

At the end of the day, the foam on the inside just acts as a cotton wool ball you would usually use. And the foam is not biodegradable.

So this is for lazy, littering fools XD

Price: 3/5 (RRP $9.95 for 75mL)
Scent: 0/5 (don't sniff nail polish remover)
Effectiveness: 2.5/5

T. N. Dickinson's All Natural Witch Hazel

This is my favourite toner, I started using it years ago.

It smells clean, herb-like and almost hospital-like.

It does contain alcohol (a result of the distillation process), but I didn't find it drying or stinging. Although don't put it in your eyes!

A little also goes a long way, so a bottle lasts a while :)

Price: 4/5 ($6.59 for 240mL)
Scent: 4/5
Effectiveness: 4/5

Art break - Sunken Treasure Chest for C

C had a pirate themed 30th birthday party, so I thought what better gift than some treasure pulled from its marine resting place!

So I started with a chest-shaped cardboard box. This was easier than making a box to the correct shape and it would retain better structural integrity.

The next step was to use modelling paste and pistachio shells to make seaweed and clams stuck to the box, respectively.
Once attached, the entire outside of the box was painted white (with poster and spray paint).
I used blue painters tape to protect the leather-like accents on the box.

The shells and seaweed were then spray painted gold (the spray paint making it easier to get into all the nooks and crannies). I did the inside of the box a blue-teal colour to keep that marine theme going. I latter added a bit of gold dusting to the inside as well to keep it looking valuable and not too clean.

The next step was to start adding brown paint, for the wooden outside. This took a while because like a goose, I bought poster paint, not acrylic paint. Poster paint is less viscose and has a lower colour pay-off (more translucent).

Starting to look real!

After that it was a matter of adding acrylic paint (gold, blue, green, red), some beads, gems, glitter (treasure is shiny), netting (like fishing netting), and a bit more modelling paste until I felt it looked like a real pirate treasure chest.

- I made the outside of the shells more rose gold, for a bit of contrast.

- Modelling paste was put at the base to make it look like the chest had been underwater so long it had started to integrate into the ecosystem.

- I put little pearls into each open clam and added some bigger pearls on top... nothing says the ocean like pearls XP

- I added some rose gold painted date pits because they looked interesting and added something extra other than 'clams'.

- The netting is like old fishing netting that got caught on the chest.

- I added the little gems on the outside and the glitter to make it look a little 'richer'.


Inside is a bottle of 'James Plank' ... Jim Beam... get it?! XD
Also some shiny candy, chocolate coins, and a pearl necklace (hur hur hur).
These sit on gold tissue paper and red shredded paper.

I made the replacement label with parchment and incense and acrylic paint made the 'wax seal' on top.

Verdict:  C loved it!!!

Same Product, Different Scent: Crabtree & Evelyn Hand Therapy - Somerset Meadow

I can't say I liked the scent of this hand therapy... too 'white floral' for me

But I can't fault the formulation <3

Elemis - Minty Moisture Lip Balm

The demise of this product was at my hand... I left it in my car and it melted :O
I am such a goose!

Liquid state aside, this is a nice basic lip balm.
Paraffin base, peppermint oil, a good barrier, and unisex lip balm.

I can't fault it. This is the type of thing you want on wind-chapped lips.

Price: 1/5 ($19 for 3 on ebay, hard to find)
Scent: 4.5/5
Effectiveness: 5/5