Book Review - The Complete Works - H. P. Lovecraft - Part 3

Brace yourself, this is a big blog.

I had to make this a three-parter because I wanted the other reviews to go out but I didn't want to keep reading this sh*t.

The stories left for me to read are 'The Silver Key', 'The Strange High House in the Mist', 'The Case of Charles Dexter Ward', 'The Colour out of Space', 'The Very Old Folk', 'The Dunwich Horror', 'The Whisperer in Darkness', 'At the Mountains of Madness', 'The Shadow over Innsmouth', 'The Dreams in the Witch House', 'The Evil Clergyman', 'The Thing on the Doorstep', 'Through the Gates of the Silver Key', 'The Haunter of the Dark', 'Fragments', and 'The Descendant'.

I will not be reading these, I can't take the racism.
There are better, less offensive stories out there. 

Rating: 0/5

Book Review - The Complete Works - H. P. Lovecraft - Part 2


Brace yourself, this is a big blog.

Imprisoned with the Pharaohs - Don't go around bragging that you're an amazing magician and people wont feel the need to test your abilities. 
He sure does let his mind indulge in fanciful crap!
WTH!? Back on the 'mixing' humans with animals train again.
You need help, HP!

** I'm calling it now, Lovecraft wanted to have sexual relations with an ape. I don't know if he ever did or was just banned from zoos, but this dude is way too into breeding with apes. 
I bet he had a thing for Zana the Almas.
He's like that kid in year 8 biology that wants to make a monkey-man and keeps asking if it's possible.

God, Schmod, I want my monkey-man!

The Shunned House - Tell the story chronologically! If you tell me the ending just before the 'suspenseful' bit, all suspense is lost!
You dumb jerk!

The Horror at Red Hook - It doesn't mater what someone looks like, everyone is human! People have strengths and weaknesses, both temporary and long term.
You are not Poe, you will never be even close to being as good as Poe. Stop bringing him up, it adds nothing to your story.
Again with the half-apes thing!
And he used the word 'Aryan'... If anyone calls themselves a 'Lovecraftian', it is now legal to punch them squarely in the nose. 

He - Die in a hole, H.P.!

In the Vault - Plot twist is obvious and not shocking at all.

Cool Air - I don't care about the narrator, I would hit him if I met him. Also, another obvious ending.

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I read this one to PU1 and then asked her some questions!
SPOILERS!!

What she thought:
- the narrator used weird words.

Before we got to the "big reveal", I asked her for her theories.

Why did Dr Torres die?
- Ammonia poisoning.

Why did the narrator burn the letters?
- No idea, it seems stupid.

What is up with Dr Muñoz?
- He is an alien.

Is it spooky so far?
- Yeah (not a strong answer here).

After the "big reveal"...

Why did Dr Torres die?
- He is Dr Torres! Preserved in ammonia?

What did you think of the ending?
- Weirder than an alien.

Where is Dr Muñoz?
- Melted.

Why did the narrator burn the letters?
- To stop others from getting spells.

Overall, any last words about it?
- I kept waiting for the line that would make it add up.

(I don't think she understood it)
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The Call of Cthulhu - This is a big one, the course of pop-culture references and the idol of (some) nerds.
Ok, less than a page in and I already disagree. 
Knowledge is power, do not fear it!
Can you stop being racist for five seconds?

Meh. I mean, he's getting better at actual writing but I don't give a damn about Cthulhu. 
I'm not scared of odd architecture or Cthulhu.
It either kills you or not... Pfft! 

I guess the idea here is meant to be a fear of madness?
But I have faced bigger, scarier, darker, and more maddening demons than this little b**ch Cthulhu. 
COME AT ME BRO!

What... that's it? What a shitty story!

Pickman's Model - Shows a lack of knowledge of art. 
Summary: "I'm not scared of images like a baby, but I'm scared of images like a baby!"
Ending was obvious.

*** Guys, I don't know if I can keep going. Each of his horrors are just the poorly veiled, non-valid fears of a white supremacist.
These are the poorly written fears of a delusional, racist jerk.
And now that Trump is the US president elect, do we really need this shitty time capsule?

The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath - More racist dribble.

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I'm going to make this a three part post.
I want this part to go out but I also want to take a break from terrible writing by a terrible person.

H.P. Lovecraft is not just an awful, awful person, he also sucks at writing BIG TIME.

"Oh, what a feeling! I'm dancing on yo' ceiling!"

Book Review - The Complete Works - H. P. Lovecraft - Part 1


Brace yourself, this is a big blog.

I became interested in looking into Lovecraft stories after the Blurry Photos Podcast episode on him.
Prior toy it, I had avoided it based on descriptions about them from my ex.
But to be fair, my ex once described 'The King In Yellow' to me, I had read it, he hadn't and his description was completely in inaccurate and bullsh!t (and made it sound dull, which it is not!).

So 99¢ later and I started reading it on my phone.
There are quite a number of stories so I'll do a short review of each.

So as I go along, the symbol # next to a story means it is worth reading.

Multipart Introduction - Go away! I don't want you colouring my view of the following stories!

The Beast In The Cave - I can see what you were going for, but you completely missed the mark.

The Alchemist - Wholly forgettable.

The Tomb - blah.

Dagon - meh.

A Reminiscence Of Dr. Samuel Johnson - I don't know why you even bothered writing this.

Polaris - meh.

Beyond The Wall Of Sleep - We are starting to move into better story telling. Did not like how the main character thought the mountain people as lesser beings (this may have particularly pissed me off knowing that Lovecraft was a Racist and Anti-Semite).

The Transition of Juan Romero - Wow, really ramping up the racism!

The White Ship - I don't know what the point of this tail was. Like a shitty 'Moby Dick'.

The Doom that Came to Sarnath - An obvious story with a little jab of white supremacy at the end.

**Guys, I don't know how much poor storytelling and racism I can take. And don't say he was just 'a man of his time', he was a c**t.

# The Statement of Randolph Carter - Ooh, this one was good. Not the best I've ever read, but stellar for this collection so far.

The Street - And back to crippling racism! 

Sweet Ermengarde - A poorly written soap.

The Tree - This could have been good, but it's like he got bored and just phoned in the ending.

The Temple - This was okay, although this time he turns his preconceived notions towards the Germans.

Facts Concerning the Late Arthur Jermyn and His Family - A lot of lead up for something so obvious halfway through the story. 
Lots of racism as well!

** The night after I dreamt that I was reading a better written story. XD

Celephaïs - Is he on drugs? Has he been smoking while writing these? Could explain a LOT!

From Beyond - Only a few pages in and I am already bored, quit repeating yourself and eat the damn oranges!

The Picture in the House - I was wondering how long it would take him to drop the N word (and I don't mean 'Necronomicon'). 

The Nameless City - I'm not feeling this trope of 'I saw something horrid, but I won't try and describe it because it's too horrid for words or your imagination'. 
Honey, I've had more nightmares than you have had racist thoughts.
I bet I can see it without going mad and then suggest something worse.
At best, it is a poorly executed idea.
At worst, it is lazy writing.

The Quest of Iranon - Iranon sounds insufferable. I'd hit him if I met him.

The Moon-Bog - He really doesn't think kindly of anyone he sees as 'below' him. If he wasn't dead, I'd hit him.

Pictured: A place you may find me dancing.

The Outsider - Another one that is obvious half way through.

The Other Gods - Don't poke the bear.

Herbert West - Reanimator - STOP REPEATING YOURSELF! I remember what just happened!

The Music of Erich Zann - Meh. That horror-beyond-imagination-trope again.

** Note the lack of recommended stories so far.

Hypnos - Talk to your doctor about your disturbed sleep, consult a specialist, and don't believe everything you see in your sleep. 
If I believed my nightmares I would still be hiding from the authorities and zombies, and I have better things to do.
Also, does our narrator want to bang his 'friend'?
I doubt this story would get so interesting.
Is he using the nightmare-world as an excuse to get close to him?
I'm going to believe this now and make this story a secret love letter.
He talks of sensations he cannot describe, and following torment, I'm going to assume he is getting used to hot butt sex with his mysterious, handsome 'friend'.
Also, his 'friend' is an addict and the narrator is getting hooked.
It's like 'Naked Lunch' meets basic homoerotic fiction meets racist/classist people.
Is that the secret to Lovecraft stories?! Have I uncovered the unwritten tales hidden behind the shitty attempts at horror?

**I think I'm losing my grip on reality.

Ok, let me just address something that he keeps incorrectly repeating. Moonlight is silver or white or pale, NOT GOLDEN!
The sun is golden, you f&%kwit!

The Hound - First mention of the Necronomicon and I don't care. The narrator and his friend are already undertaking things worse than what the stupid book has detailed so far.

The Lurking Fear - My guess is the two hired men used the castle and our narrator's feeble mind as a means of escape from his company.

The Rats in the Walls - Did you have to call your cat that?! I have NO sympathy for you!

The Unnamable - Good, it looks like he was called out on his bullsh!t trope whilst still alive! It was like someone told him that that humans fear the unknown but was too stupid to understand it properly.

The Festival - For this one, I drank some vodka then read the story out loud to Parental Unit 1.

Notable comments:
PU1: "So far I like it. I just wished they had translated it better."
Me: "It was written in English."
PU2: "Oh!"
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PU2: "He's a ghost as well, isn't he!" 
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She thought the whole thing was scary, that it was possibly all in the narrator's mind.
She thought the creatures were the Luck Dragon from 'The Neverending Story' and that they were in a volcano/centre of the earth.

Pictured: Unspeakable, maddening horror.

-------------------------
SPOILER ALERT!
When I asked her what she thought was behind the wax mask, 
she suggesting it was just hollow and the narrator was okay with the mask because it may have been part of the festival.
When I told her what I thought was behind it, she was horrified.
I then asked her who she thought was more morbid, Lovecraft or myself, she said it was definitely me. (WIN!)

Ok, I'll leave it there and pick it up again in Part 2!