Turns Of Fate - A Bodybuilder's Dream

I have a mundane super power... I'm a mesomorph.
Not just a mesomorph though, I can generate bulky muscle like nothing!

It isn't terribly functional, I'm not very strong, but I don't train either.
I do nothing and I have bulky muscle all over.

My calves are HUGE, many skinny cut pants can't get over them.
My arms look bigger than I (in my insecure mind) think they should be for a lady.
Press your hand against my tensed stomach and you will feel genuine abs.

Please don't test this by punching me unannounced.

A few years ago, when I felt self conscious, I would cover my arms to hide my size.
I felt so bulky and non-feminine at times.

These erroneous thoughts are starting to leave me now, I am starting to like me as I am (which is perfect). 

The muscles come with benefits as well.
I don't get cold easily (even in the snow),
When I take off my corset, any muscular atrophy will be reversed within a few months.
I am beautiful.

Turns of Fate - My Son

My son is 13 years old, can't read or write, and is adorable.
Did I mention that he is a cat?

Hades is one of three kittens from Schnick's one and only litter.
He was the only one we kept, the other two were given to good families to start their own life adventures.

Originally PU1 wanted to keep the male cat so he would keep other cats away.
He only does that by the smell of his urine, because he isn't a aggressive or territorial cat.

I'm not sure why, but he never learned how to 'cat', despite living with his mother (who is great at being a cat).
He will stare at Schnicks and then wonder why she gets mad at him (staring is a big faux pas in the cat world).
Hence, Schnicks doesn't care for him.

PU1 thinks he is a pest, despite being a very patient and loving cat.
He can't help it that he can't remember being fed 5 minutes ago, he has a terrible memory.
He is not smart by any stretch of the imagination.

So I adopted him as my son.
Sometimes he forgets who I am and often he steals my bed, but I love him so dearly.

He purrs so loudly when I pat him. He knows my kisses.

He is my son, and I couldn't be more proud.

Turns of Fate - Relationships

It has been a few years since my last serious relationship, and while I was ready to love someone exclusively again I didn't exactly go out looking for someone.

Fate just brought him to me.

Ladies and Gentlemen, you can stop sending me your many letters of admiration!

Pictured: all of your love letters to me XD

I have a boyfriend, and he is the sweetest guy I have ever met.

*Just be happy for me, basically :D

I have some friends who are amendment that no one will ever date/love them. 
No matter what you say to them, they believe it happens to others but won't happen for them.

This bugs me. If you honestly believe  that no one wants you (a delusion I might add), then why spend all that time bemoaning it?
It means you are free to focus on other things, find happiness in other facets of life.
Then before you know it, love finds you.

I understand how powerful loneliness is, but there is more to life than a man/woman (who you have little control in finding).
Plus, your friends are there for you! You are not bugging me if you want to chat or have a sleep over :)

The point is you have love (friends, family), but you have to let true love find you.

Although, if you really want to find a love that will last a lifetime, I can tell you where to find that:

It's you, love yourself, because you are amazing.

Turns Of Fate - Know yourself, know your status

I ideally like to live like a nymph at the moment, I have a lot of affection to give ;)
But on the flip side, I understand the importance of  being safe.

Yes, this is about sex, STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections), and getting tested.

Most of us can agree, sex is fun!
But it can be fun and safe. I am a huge advocate for condoms, they are the only thing that will prevent you from catching/passing on an infection.
(If a guy refuses to wear one, get a new guy, your health is worth more)

In addition to playing safe, may I encourage all of you to get a baseline test for STIs.
Within the next month, make an appointment with a doctor/clinic and get a blood/urine test.
Sure, you may think that you don't need it, you have no symptoms... but not all STIs give symptoms.

Some STIs cause infertility and can lead to cancer. Do you want to be unknowingly spreading that noise? Or have that in your system?
So many STIs can be treated/cured now days. So why not know and be in control?

I know my status, I get checked regularly, I play safe with condoms and prefer partners who also know their status.
(At this point in time, I am free of STIs and not afraid to say so, just had a test.)
Even people who have less partners/playmates than me, even people who have only ever had sex once could have an STI.
Condoms break, partners have their own histories that can affect you, but you can know your body.

It may be a bit scary, but knowledge is power.

Also, let's say you do have something that stays around.
Let's start breaking that stigma down! You are not any less because you have an STI.
Knowing, managing, treating it, and keeping partners informed is not only responsible but you get power of the situation back.

So obtain a greater knowledge of your wonderful body and find out your status :)

Turns Of Fate - Art Documentation

So the horrors of the Lyrica reduction are over and I will wait till I'm on holidays before going down another 25 mg.

So I'm happy and healthy enough, and more trivial things can bug me :p

Whenever I get into a really busy period at University, I get the overwhelming urge to make art.
My studies have nothing to do with art, this is counterproductive.

I'm thinking it is time to invest in a folio. Somewhere I can draw/write/plan out pieces so I can get them out of my head and know they are safe until I have time to return to them.

And while I know most of my work won't be worth much/ survive past my own lifetime (and I doubt it will ever be famous), documentation is important.

Looking at you Till, you better have some documentation.
(I know you don't, and it bugs me. It won't hurt you, but it will hurt your work's future. Perhaps you don't care, but I do.)

This blog documents art I have completed since I started blogging, but save for my oil painting, there is little being recorded before and during the time of creation.

"Mush!"

Perhaps one day someone would like to see my ideas the did and didn't come to fruition...

Then I can focus on my studies with a easier conscious and memory capacity.

Turns of Fate - Rough Times

First of all, let me say I am super happy with my physical health at the moment. 
My arm is feeling better and the pain is mostly absent.
I feel blessed.

On the other side of the coin, my mental health has been taking a beating.
It sounds kind of stupid writing it down.
There is uni, then work (where I often feel unappreciated), then the last few weekends at home with my parents have been so tough.

There is nothing vicious or aggressive happening, but it is just repeated instances of them not communicating or listening to me.
And I only have so much reserve. It breaks me down.
I get depressed, I can't study, and I loose the weekend trying to keep myself moving enough to get into the next week.
I am struggling so much, I feel like I'm being pushed around from all angles and there is no place of respite.

I feel like no one wants to hear me, to listen to me.

I have been through worse, fought bigger and more powerful monsters, but pain is pain.

I just want to be heard, to feel happy enough to be able to study and enjoy it.

I hope next weekend is a non-confronting one.

Ideally: I would be able to fall into the arms of someone I feel calm and safe with. Who I can just talk and have them listen. Then laugh with them and move into more happy head space.

Unfortunately, there are very few people who I feel actually listen when I talk (people have different styles of communicating and only a few people I personally know match me on this).

What I can do: Make sure people who talk to me feel like they are being heard (I don't want others to feel like I do at the moment). 

Side note: I am coming off Lyrica at the moment, which is known to cause depression and suicidal thinking. But as one of my friends put it "You may be making mountains out of molehills, but the molehills are still real." (This was really nice and balanced to hear).