Weaning off Effexor - 50mg to 37.5mg

We are approaching the end of our journey!

6/3/17 - First night at 37.5mg! 
Mood has been stable for a while.

7/3/17 - I had trouble sleeping because of restless leg :( ugh.

8/3/17 - Yesterday and today, my face has pimples and I'm really teary.
Things are resonating emotionally with me more than usual.
It's like I'm having my period but it is the wrong part of the cycle.
But to its credit, I was able to have a sensitive discussion with BP and it didn't trigger anything deeper than some normal emotional responses (no 'coldness' in my core).
*PB is a good egg.

12/3/17 - I have been wearing my mouth-guard to bed to counteract grinding my teeth in my sleep.

The poor memory may be more of my brain than the effexor.
I had half a glass of red tonight (I'm a light-weight), forgot I was chatting to PB online and wandered off.
When I remembered and came back, he didn't even reprimand me.
Poor PB! He really is too good! I love him so dearly.

14/3/17 - I woke up today and I had no emotions.
Just blank.

Looks like I'll be emotionless for a while!

I also went to the doctor and got a smaller medication dose. 
Tonight, I'll step down to 25mg.

Weaning off Effexor - 100mg to 75mg

We are up to step 2 and taking off another 25mg.
I'm feeling pretty hopeful that this will go well, given how easily the first step was.

7/2/17 - Went down to 75mg tonight.
Ugh, my heart is feeling a bit 'cold' (how my brain interprets it, not a physical temperature drop) and my eyes feel like I may cry.

8/2/17 - I am experiencing Weltschmerz and am having suicidal thoughts (not actively planning, just those thoughts that aren't really yours that pop up in your mind).

9/2/17 - I now only have general disenchantment (and suicidal thoughts), how lovely.
But really I'll take any improvement.

At 1 am I decided I really felt like a drink (and unusual craving for me).
Note: I physically CANNOT drink when I am depressed. I loose the taste for it completely.

It is now 1:40am and I am all about this:

I need his cape.

The main dancer is throwing shapes like there is no tomorrow.
I live for the flamboyance!!!
(If you need proof of my own flamboyance, see the 'Peacock tail' post, I'll wait.)
A huge shout out to PB for showing me this glorious clip!

Also, just a shout out to PB because he makes me so happy just by existing. <3

10/2/17 - And we are back to ennui.

11/2/17 - Someone in my life seems to be melting down, but I honestly can't engage right now, I am too fragile.
Sorry bro, shields are up, especially since you're getting a little mean.

Watching the Game Grumps play-through Pokemon Fire Red and the Lavender Town music is so sad.

12/2/17 -  I'm really bothered by things sticking up/out. I have an irrational fear they will poke me in the eye (Aichmophobia).
I have always had this phobia, but it is usually dormant. 
It is really strong today.
I don't even like my hands being too close to my face!

13/2/17 - Today was a good day, made even better by PB sending me flowers! <3 
I love that man so much!

14/2/17 - I don't know if it is because of the medicine, but I have at least 6 pimples on my face. (Which doesn't phase me too much).
Emotionally I was very happy today, but it was Valentine's day!
I pointed out my pimples to R, he suggested I was going through puberty! XD Hahaha! 

19/2/17 - Someone who I know who is also on effexor complained about the memory formation problems they had as a side effect.
Do I have that too?!
I do keep forgetting things, important things, I just don't encode it. 
And I used to be quite good at encoding information!
I used to remember little things so easily.

I just thought my memory was a jerk or I was just getting older!


21/2/17 - Ok, I have been out and drinking (not getting drunk, but my body still isn't happy) for the past 3 nights... I feel like I'm dying! XD
It's just a hangover though!
I was perfectly happy being out, especially since I had such lovely company!

Tonight we (I) go down to 50mg!

Weaning off Effexor - 150mg to 100mg

So we (read: I) are going from 150mg daily to none.
Very, VERY slowly!

Let's go on this journey together! 
This post will cover the first step, going down to 100mg.

28/1/17 - Went down from 150mg to 100mg tonight.
I hope that isn't too much of a jump... Future me will tell you!

29/1/17 - No negative effects felt so far, had sex dreams last night (I'll take that over nightmares any night!).
I feel a bit euphoric.
As the day went on, I'm still feeling lustful.
I know that antidepressants can suppress libido, but I didn't think I experienced that side-effect.
Oh no! What if it DID suppress my libido and without them, I'm going to be even more lustful?! 

Am I actually a succubus?
It does not help that I've been getting some hot messages of late!

30/1/17 - OMG! I can't sleep!
I'm lusty and someone suggested something that has me going mad! ('March')
Midday and the succubus thing has passed.
I had vivid dreams last night, but they were not nightmares.
I'm having racing thoughts and difficulty focusing on one thing.

31/1/17- It is the wee hours and I have not slept.
I am really enjoying music and getting feelings of true love (both old flames and current loves).
I feel so good, everything feels so reminiscent of true love.

This next song sounds like what romantic love feels like (not necessary the lyrics, the music and feel):

Ok, that may be the decrease in meds and/or synaesthesia talking.

Did I ever disclose on this blog that I have synaesthesia?
Despite what that last sentence may seem to imply, the rapid thoughts have stopped.  


1/2/17 - I have a dull headache at the front of my head (near sinuses) that I think may be from the drug reduction, rather than my current cold.
I'm feeling pretty good cognitively, pretty 'normal'.

I had a nap an had terrible nightmares... now we are getting to the normal 'you need the medicine' symptoms!

Nightmare cure... you are welcome!

Also, I have a SERIOUS craving for chocolate ice-cream, as of an hour ago.
Earlier in the day, I was just thinking about it, now I NEED it!

Do I have a time-headache?!

2/2/17 - I got chocolate ice-cream after work today.
But today, nothing tastes appealing.
I don't feel hungry.
Aside from this taste-apathy, I am feeling pretty stable today.

3/2/17 - woke up with a growling stomach, but no appetite.
Forced down a piece of bread and drank a lot of sweet, sweet water (not actually sweet).
As the day went on, nothing looked good for eating.
I have no appetite.

5/2/17 - I am feeling perfectly fine... I may be calling this too early, but I think I have successfully adjusted down to 100mg.
If it all stays stable, I'll go down to 50mg on the 17th.
I can eat easier now, but I have to really feel like it.

This evening was the biggest test of my 100mg so far.
PU1 told me an infuriating story of someone else's stupidity, another person won't fulfill a request that I had done for them many times over (making me feel like they don't give a shit about reciprocity), and PB decided to list just a select few things which are horrible within the political world (then suggested I don't get depressed by it... how could I not when people are so freaking awful to each other sometimes?).

Also 'Interstellar' is on television and it is a stupid film.
But I haven't felt the coldness of depression spread over my heart yet.
Nor have I had any 'you just get this because genetics' depression yet.

I couldn't sleep, decided I might be hungry.
I can't eat much because I feel fussy.
I'm now gassy (burps).
I laughed because I felt like I was a baby... then I had 'the thought'.

Oh crab apples, what if I'm pregnant!? o.O
Highly unlikely, but that doesn't make it any less scary!
Guess who will be peeing on sticks now.

Test 1: negative

Test 2: negative

I have cheap tests just for freak outs like this.

I got into an argument at work. 
My supervisor wanted me to invent time (when others there were sitting around doing nothing) and I wanted them to go f**k themselves. 
I probably could have let this one go, but everyone had already been pushing me, work was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

7/2/17 - I went to the doctor today and got some 75mg tablets.
I go back in three weeks for some 37.5mg tablets.
Tonight I will start the 75mg :)

Stay tuned for the next exciting post!

Venlafaxine - 150mg

I have been on 150mg of Effexor since ~January 2015.
It is my second antidepressant.
It is a SNRI, a serotonin and nor-adrenaline re-uptake inhibitor. 
That means it works by preventing my neurons from taking back in released serotonin and nor-adrenaline (norepinephrine nowdays, but I'm old school), leaving it free to act a bit longer.

I can't recall if I have covered this before, but my depression is genetic. 
No amount of time or happy thoughts or healthy food will change the incorrect settings they are programmed to always be at.

I quite liked this treatment.
It did make me a little prone to mania (which is fine) and one person thought it made me aggressive (I did try to tell them that I have always been like that), but everyone else thought they did wonders for me.

One draw back is the short half life of the medicine, so if you forget one, you will be in a world of pain!
Electrical shocks that start in the brain, then move to the body and heart.
One time I went over 24 hours without one and I thought I was going to need to go to the hospital.

And because of that short half life, I can't risk being cut off suddenly. 
I'm going to (very slowly and carefully and with a doctor) wean off them.

This will be the first time in almost 8 years that I have been without medication.

Pray for Epione to watch over me in this transition.