Laboratorium Soluna Heilmittel GmbH Solunat Nr.14 Tropfen

This is some homeopathic bullstone that I was given.

I took it anyway (5 drops in water, per day) because homeopathic medicines don't do anything (can't hurt me if the active ingredients levels are non-existent).

It claims to have mugwort, some form of peony, mistletoe, and Christmas rose.

This is baloney.

Price: 5/5 ($16.62 for 50mL, very expensive for 50mL of mildly flavoured alcohol)
Scent: 2.5/5
Effectiveness: -5/5

SK-II Facial Treatment Essence

I have been wanting to try this for a long time!

It has the viscosity of water and smells very faintly like dilute isopropanol.

It was a little tricky to apply (because it was like water) and because I don't want to waste any by using a cotton pad.


After using it for a week, my skin feels a little softer, but honestly looks worse.
'Haggard' is the word that comes to mind.

To be fair, I have been using it by itself as I didn't want a moisturiser skewing the results.

Maybe after many years of use it may prove useful, but I won't be paying the exorbitant price on a maybe. 

There is better, cheaper stuff out there.

Price: 0/5 ($229.12 for 160mL, I got it much cheaper as a little 10mL sample)
Scent: 2/5 (almost none)
Effectiveness: 1/5
.. .- -- .-- . . .--. -. --. .- .-.. .-.. --- ...- . .-. ·-·-·-

Book Review - Ash - James Herbert

This is the third book in the 'Ash' trilogy and the last book Herbert wrote.

At first I found the references to the modern world (internet, no smoking indoors, mobile phones) a little funny.
It could have been set in the 80's/90's and I wouldn't of minded.
As I continued, it became annoying because the author took it as an opportunity to complain about the modern world.

All of his books are basically male power fantasies, but this one is too much. All the women have to say how handsome Ash is. A male doctor giving and unfounded speech on how qualified Ash is. The book even has to make a point of how Ash has a better torch than a park ranger he is with at one point. It's just petty.

Delphine, our love interest, is always frail and falling over. A sexy lamp disguised as a damsel in distress.

There is a gay couple in the book which Herbert uses to push his dusty agenda that they shouldn't call it marriage (I guess because he thinks marriage should only be for the straights).
Also, heaven forbid a woman may be bisexual (not that the term is ever used).

It didn't even deliver on the one thing Herbert books should provide, gore and horror. This was such a mild read!

I wish this book wasn't published, it adds nothing and only taints a previously good story line.

Mercifully, there will not be another book (Herbert passed in 2013).

Catagory: Supernatural/Horror
Rating: 0/5

The Body Shop - Crayon Kohl - Eye Definer - Black

This black eye liner really disappointed me! :C

As is, it barely transfers at all:

It works when you pass it over a flame:

But I shouldn't have to heat it up like a drug fiend.

Really disappointed in you, Body Shop! You are usually amazing.

Price: 3/5 ($16)
Scent: 2.5/5 (pencil smell)
Effectiveness: 0.5/5

Avon - Simply Pretty - Mini Kohl Eye Liner - Gold

This is a mini gold eyeliner cream stick.

Over the Eye of Horus Selenite eye liner.

As a stand a lone eyeliner, it is pretty weak.
If you already have one, fine. If you want to get one, don't bother.

Price: 4/5 (probably was ~$5 for 0.9g)
Scent: 2.5/5 (no real scent)
Effectiveness: 1/5

NYX - Colour Mascara - Purple

A fun twist on normal mascara, this is meant to make your lashes purple.

However the colour doesn't really show. 
Bummer.

Price: 4/5 ($12.95 for 9mL)
Scent: 1/5 (kinda stinky)
Effectiveness: 1/5

Sally Hansen - Miracle Cure - Strengthener

This base coat/ polish is meant to strengthen problem nails.

It dries super fast and is really shiny (love).

However, it chips so fast! like within the first day!
:( Why Sally, why?!

After a few weeks of using it, my nails do seem a little stronger, but not a phenomenal amount.

Price: 1/5 ($19.95 for 13.3mL)
Effectiveness: 1/5

Bianca J Professional - Eye Shadow and Blush

I don't normally wear eye shadow for everyday (or even just day) looks.
I have 'big eyes', a phenotype from my father's side of the family.
So while other people can pull of eye shadow during the day easily, I look so extra.

Also, google images doesn't recognize 'extra' as a descriptor of a person.

These are mix and match eye shadow and blush pallets.

Metallics:

All but the black are decent.

Blues: 

You expect them to be brighter!

Greens:

Some barely show up at all!

Reds/Purples: 

Again, very poor colour payoff.

Neutrals: 

Only the brown and the blush show up.

A common theme is the shimmer/metallic shades have decent colour payoff, but the mattes have virtually no colour payoff.

The blushes are also decent.

In the neutral pallet, I don't know what that goop in the first slot is for (brow wax?).

Overall, these are terrible eye shadows.

Do not buy.

Price: *** Unknown
Scent: 2.5/5 (none)
Effectiveness: 0/5

***** This product could be reviewed thanks to the raunchy, informative and gorgeous Miss Smut Buttons! *****

Garnier - BB Cream - Miracle Skin Perfector - Light

This is definitely too dark for me! 'Light' my butt!

Can't they have a 'my butt' shade that is just paler than anything?

However, let's try it as a contour! 

***
Ok, it's too light as a contour (applied by beauty blender).

This is just the wrong shade.


Price: 3/5 ($15.99 for 50mL)
Scent: 3/5 (faint fruit scent)
Effectiveness: 0/5



***** This product could be reviewed thanks to the raunchy, informative and gorgeous Miss Smut Buttons! *****

Colgate - Optic White - (Toothbrush +) Built-In Whitening Pen

I got this on sale! :D
For this review the focus will be on the pen, not the brush.

This pen contains a 4.5% hydrogen peroxide paste.
Instructions say apply two clicks to the top teeth and bottom teeth, twice a day for three days.

Before treatment.

After three days.

I don't see much difference.
Price: ($19.99 for toothbrush and pen)
Scent: 1/5 (mild hydrogen peroxide smell)
Effectiveness: 0/5

L'Oreal Paris - La Manicure - 2-in-1 Protect - Top and Base Coat

This is just your basic clear top coat.
There is better stuff out there.

Price: 2/5 ($10.99 for 5mL)
New Name: Top Coat
Effectiveness: 2.5/5

Lylaa - Nail Lacquer 

This isn't a nail polish, but rather is meant to go on your skin before you put nail polish on, to keep it in the lines.

And as far as that goes, it is terrible! 

It pulls up your freshly painted polish, creating a worse look than if you had just got a little polish on your skin.
The packaging is not conducive to creating neat lines.

If you used it as a polish, it would just scratch off so fast!

Just avoid this junk completely.

Price: 5/5 ($1 for 6mL)
Scent: 2/5 (no real scent)
Effectiveness: 0/5

Jericho - Cuticle Oil

This is a cuticle oil with Dead Sea mineral.
As a cuticle oil, it works pretty well.

What lets it down is the packaging!
It came as a roller ball, which DOESN'T WORK!

I tried to MacGyver a brush onto the tube and... it went wrong.

Sorry dude.

Now I use it out of an emptied and cleaned nail polish bottle.

One way or another, I always find a solution!

There are better oils in better packaging!

Price: 1/5 (~$20 for 10mL)
Scent: 2.5/5 (no real scent)
Effectiveness: 1/5 (loses so many points for being unreachable in the roller container)

XXX Review - Empire Labs - Clone-A-Willy Kit

This kit is meant to allow you to make a vibrating clone of a penis! XD

I have a gentleman who is very proud of his penis and we thought this would be fun to try.

So you make a negative mould of the penis, then make a cast from the negative.

While I got the 'light toned' colour, the official website stocks many other colours, both natural and unreal!

Upon use, it is messy and a bit fiddly, but it is fun. 


However, there is NOT ENOUGH silicone in the kit!

Unless you are on the smaller side of average, you need more silicone than one kit provides!!! (SO ANNOYING!)

I've covered the dildo to protect the gentleman, but outlined how much of his size is missing.
He is longer than the amount of silicone allowed to be cast.

The mould is quite fragile and prone to breaking (it would have helped if the mould tube was wider, but that may be because the gentleman in question had considerable girth.

(basically, there is a reason why the gentleman in question is proud of his penis)

The end got a bit mushed, but that was the gentleman's doing as he kept squeezing the mould while he was in it.
The rest of the detailing is great!



We tried again with a Clone-a-Willy + Balls kit and an extra refill of silicone.
There was not enough moulding powder and the vibrator kept trying to float out..
Ugh!

All I want is a clone of this man's dick! Is that too much to ask!?


Price: 4/5 ($59.95, compared to many other dildos and vibrators, this is a really good price)
Effectiveness: 1/5

Book Review - Lady Chatterley's Lover - D. H. Lawrence

This was quite a controversial book at the time which it was originally released (1929), talking directly about the topic of sex.

However in modern times, it is incredibly dry and unenlightened.
There is no real passion, no emotional fall out from acts which would normally trigger it.

You can tell it was written by a man, the thought process of Lady Chatterley is mostly unbelievable.
I would almost suspect that Lawrence was a virgin (or a selfish lover).
The mechanics he describes for sex are mostly wrong. 
(He got to the idea of 'P in V', but then it all goes wrong)

Also can he stop saying "b**ch Goddess"... I haven't encountered such unnecessary swearing since the film "In Bruges" (don't bother watching that film).

He uses 'b**ch' more than Shane Dawson!

It gets a little better once Lady Chatterley finds her lover, but is is still not great.

I also resent that our female lead only really becomes interesting once she has a male to 'help her bloom'. Pfft!

Also, putting men in scarlet trousers won't fix everything!
That is just stupid!

This isn't worth the read really, it won't do any good.

Catagory: Erotica
Rating: 1/5

Blossom - Royal Jelly - 1000mg

I like bees and the first half of the story 'Royal Jelly' (I never heard the second half), so I thought I'd try this.

These capsules had no taste, I didn't have an allergic reaction to them, and were easy enough to swallow (that shouldn't be a surprise for me, hur hur hur!).

Did I feel any improvement to my general well being? (bee-ing?)
Nah.

I think royal jelly is best just left for the bees.

Price: ($14.99 for 100 capsules)
Scent: 2.5/5 (none)
Effectiveness: 0/5

The Body Shop - Smoky Poppy - Poppy Seed Scrub

I wanted to love this. I love the smoky poppy line.

But this was so disappointing.

The scent is more oily than smoky poppy (which is the finishing scent).
The poppy seeds are too big and round to scrub, and get stuck in the puff/mitt/sponge that you may be using with it.

It is SO oily and you need to wash at least twice afterward to get the greasy feeling off your skin.

This was just an all round ineffective product.

Price: 1/5 ($29.95 for 200mL)
Scent: 1/5
Effectiveness: 0/5

Brazilian Butterfly - BB Delicate Mitt

'Delicate' my butt!

This is like rubbing yourself with Velcro! 
Maybe it is my delicate skin, but this leaves me red, sore, and not happy.

It also feels like it is made of cheap plastic, doesn't lather up body wash, and is unwieldy in the shower.

Don't lie to me and tell me this is for delicate skin.

Don't bother trying this.

Price: 2/5 ($20.00)
Scent: 2.5/5 (no scent)
Effectiveness: 0/5

Podcast Review - Adjudicated Guess

This is from the same people of The F Plus, lead by Lemon.
However unlike The F Plus, this is not funny or intriguing.

The questions they ask are things I either know the answer too or not, and I don't want to hear three-four people guess and insult each other for their guesses.

The fourth episode was particularly rough. Not only were they rather dismissive of Jack Chick's (if memory serve me) correct guesses, but also made public fun of a listener submitted question.

Why would anyone want to submit a question and face public ridicule?
Why support this mean spirited show?

I want to believe better of The F Plus gang, and hopefully this was a misstep.
Give this one a miss.

Catagory: Banter (Perhaps it could loosely be considered 'informative'.)
Rating: 1/5

Podcast Review - The Andy Daly Podcast Pilot Project

The premise behind this show is that Andy and his co-host are reviewing podcast proposals sent into their podcast producer (who I won't name) in the hopes they will be picked up as regular shows.

There are about 8 'pilots' (read: episodes) and each go for over an hour.

Honestly, I only found the first 'pilot' funny. 

There is a line between saying things to be shocking-funny and just being misogynistic.
I know that wasn't their intent, but they just keep coming back to this idea of abusing/killing/hurting women and it isn't funny.
It becomes distasteful and unimaginative.

Also, the comedy quickly becomes formulaic and predicable. 

I honestly hope no-one listens to this podcast, there is better stuff out there that isn't so distasteful.
If you must listen to this show, ONLY listen to the first 'pilot'. It only goes downhill afterwards.

They also say many of these characters have been on another show (which I won't mention), which I now have no interest in looking into if this is the calibre of comedy that it hosts.

I'm not going to link the website because I can't endorse this.

Category: Comedy
Rating: 0/5